Real Cancer

Bissmillahirahmanirahim

"Muna, Doctor kata tynah ada 6 bulan je lagi" (June, 2012)

Those words, and suddenly it makes me feel like the world stop for a moment.

She's an amazing woman who taught me to appreciate myself more, its okay to make mistakes, who taught me the meaning of trust. 6 months was a short period of time. What have i done so far and what could i do within that 6 months to make her feel proud of me?

It  almost feels like empty, blank and dark. That's when the reality strikes.
Why do we live here if in the end we'll have to leave everything and just be alone?

That's when i start to question and search for the answer. I know but i don't do as what i should. It's like having the knowledge but i've never implement it in my life at that time.

Tynah, (Aunty Inah) amazing woman who taught me almost everything about life. She trust me more than I've trust myself. In 2011, the doctor declared that she is free form cancer. A year later, what i can say is it's His takdir.

For some, they may tend to blame Him for giving them such "bad news", but for her, its an amaizing opportunity for her to be a better person. A better Muslim. She had been diagnosed with bone cancer this time.

After hearing the news, what she have done? Never once she skip her prayer. Terminally ill but she never leave Him. Not even once. She fully depends on Him. Not even a second that she looses her faith. Pretending to be a strong person so that she wont feel "weak" in front of others. She never loose her smile and laughter.

I remember one time when me and my siblings went to her house. She hugged us tightly and say,

"Auntynah takut sangat xdapat jumpa korang"

MasyaAllah.

Day by day her cancer became worse. she can hardly walk, bow for ruku' neither sujud. But never once she skip her solat. She'll remind me:

"Muna, ingat.. jangan tinggal solat. I know you wont InsyaAllah. Do your best in everything. Don't do it for me, do it for yourself. I have faith in you."

I missed her so much.

4th September 2013.

 Allah loves her more. A week before my birthday. She'll always be the first person to wish me on the phone. Every nephews and nieces, she remember our birth date.

That is when i've started to "change". I came to a point where "what else do i want from this life? Everyone will leave this world. Then why do we live here?" and that's when "searching for the answer begins".

Alhamdulillah i had been surrounded by supportive people who wants to help be to be a better person tapi terkadang ada masanya terlupa dan terleka. When i visited her "new home" today. It reminds me of why i've decided to be a better person.

Real cancer is when we start to give up on Him.

Terkadang kita kandas dengan diri sendiri. Kita lalai sebab dah lama tak "ingatkan" hati kita dengan Dia. Itu barulah real cancer yang makan dalaman kita sehingga jadi hitam dan kotor. Kalau kita diduga seberat itu, mampu tak kita nak istiqamah? Mampu tak kita untuk tak lupakan Dia?

Cerita dikongsi untuk menjadi pengajaran utk never loose hope in Him as He is the All knowing dan juga peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Semoga dipelihara iman sentiasa InsyaAllah.

Allahumma Ameen.

Allahu'alam. Definitely Allah knows best.