Monday, 13 November 2017

Aisyah

Bismillahirahmanirahim.

And today my little princess Sharifah Aisyah turns 2weeks. 
IDK how i'd survive without the help of my family and Husband. Makasih.

I have always been the type of person that is being too harsh on myself. So whenever something i thought that is unusual happens to Aisyah, i would most probably blame myself. The first day Aisyah went home, she cried loudly and then there was phlegm. As usual, being the panic Munawwarah, i was so panic to see Aisyah was puking soo much. I started to question is it because of my milk. Istilah melayu, 'Masuk angin'. or because of i dont take good care of my health then it effected Aisyah.

Did i cry? Yezza! lol! Basically Aisyah is a bit underweight when she was out. Then seeing her puking, off-course it makes me feel guilty as if im the one who is responsible of all the bad things that happen to her. There were sleepless nights. i couldnt sleep. i was too worried that Aisyah would puke and get choked. Menggelabahnya Astarghfirullah.

One day Aisyah puked so much and i went to the clinic to check on her health. I was so shocked when the doctor says Aisyah was perfectly fine and healthy. Whenever she puked, as long as she still wants to drink milk, she's fine InsyaAllah. So i started to slowdown my 'gelabahness'. Every time Aisyah puke after that, as much as i hate it, i would tell myself that she's fine and puking is fine as long as its phlegm and as long as she's not choking.

Recently aisyah had a little choked as she was drinking milk too fast. Macam tak kasi makan pun ada. Lol. and so i google some info and found out that the baby was acting that way because baby tak kenyang lagi, usually they would just take a break but most of the parents taught that baby dah kenyang. So sebabkan taknak lapar, baby tend to drink too fast untuk kenyangkan perut sebelum ibu2 nak stop feeding.

Again rasa guilty to Aisyah. Told my husband how guilty i felt for Aisyah. His sentence was simple, while he was holding Aisyah he says "Tak pe la kan Aisyah, Umi pun tak tau and she is still learning" Ayat yang paling menyenangkan untuk dengar. Alhamdulillah he is an understanding partner in his own way.

So much negativity had been going on in my mind. Dengan lack of knowledge dengan menggelabahnya. As Myra says, during this fragile time, new mothers would need the support and understanding of our partner, family and friends. Google juga banyak benda and u'll find more info. Ada juga merepek ada juga berguna. Jangan lupa consult dengan doctor sekali. Thank you Doctor Madya. hehe

And so after this all the postings would be about Aisyah and her gelabah Umi i guess.
Alhamdulillah for everything. 

Friday, 19 May 2017

Hi Little Caliph

Bissmilahirahmanirahim.


Alhamdulillah Allah had grant me and my husband insyaAllah soon additional to the family. Little caliph is on his/her way into this world. 14weeks plus. May Allah protect our baby and mother as well and may He grant us good health and ease everything for us InsyaAllah Ameen.



How am i feeling? Happy? Excited? well Alhamdulillah. But its more towards scared. Not actually about the delivery part but more towards 'will i be able to raise Little Caliph well with enough education of this world and the hereafter'. 

Little caliph is an amanah / responsibility from our Creator Allah SWT. Little caliph will be one of the 'investments' for me and spouse whether we would end up being in Jannah or the opposite. That is what im concerned more.

Well in the beginning there were some complication. Threatened miscarriage. So the reason why i wanted to do this post is hoping that when whoever would read this post would make little prayer for the baby and me as well. Hoping that both of us are being granted with good health and may the baby be fine and healthy. That's all im asking for. And also because i miss blogging! 

Since i got married, i kinda had lost my passion for writing. Nooooo idea why. Perhaps the journey of Little Caliph would help me to dig up my passion to write more in the future insyaAllah. I think that's pretty much it that i wanted to write for this time.

Please make dua for us. May Allah repay ur kindness and grant ur wishes insyaAllah,

Allahu'alam.
Allah knows best.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

Rindu

Bissmilahirahmanirahim.


Rindu.
What do i miss the most is... Him. His attention and His love.
Everyone in their life, there will come to a point where all of us are being tested by either hardship or happiness. Tested whether do we still remember Him during our sad and happy moments. Including me. During few years back where i had been tested by loosing people that i love. At that moment of my life i feel depress but at the same time i feel thankful. It is because of His trials, i was quite close to Him. Was.

I love this video so much and credit to the owner where he had done great job in giving me such a good reminder of how my relationship was with Him and His creations. Which one do i cherish and care the most. Yup, a big smack in the face as i care more the relationship with His creations rather than Him. 

It is such a beautiful reminder where whenever we think that He gave us great calamities, it is not a punishment or bad thing for us. it's actually a calling from Him for us to crawl back to Him. Not only during the bad times that we are being tested but during happiness as well. Do we always remember Him during our happy moments? Have we thank Him enough for our current condition? 

"This place is design to break your heart. If you are looking to be happy in the Duniya, you are in the wrong place"

"Put the Duniya in your hand and only Him in your heart"

Ask our-self, have we thank Him enough for His blessings? 

Allahu'alam.
Definitely Allah knows best.

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

A letter to you


Hey, how are u? i miss u a little too much i guess.

Hope that u are okay and may Allah grant my little wish for u. So lately things had been a little rough and tough. New changes and challenges here and there. Welcoming the new BIL and may he be able to guide our wan. 

I guess its good for me to go through this roller coaster ride. I think (LOL) that i have learned to grow up. Still remember the ringtone that u've setup for my phone call "big girl". I guess that big girl have grown up a little now. Wish u are here with us. Some of us are missing u so much with ur warm hug and super sweet smile and ur advises. Honestly i hate growing up. There are so many whys and what not. haha wish that u are here for me to discuss more stuff. Its pretty crazy sometimes. Im taking a little too long to progress and i hope that i am able to catch up and speed up!

It is just not the same without u anymore. even though it has been few years now, hey its ramadhan. The month that we'll usually spent more time together. I just miss the advises and guidance to grow up, to be trusted and i miss someone who can hear me. above all,
i just miss u.

Sorry for not able to be as good as how i wanted to be. Sorry for not showing how much i appreciate all that u've done for us. Thank you for all the love, guidance and thank you for being an inspiration for me to be a better person in His eyes. I need that constant reminder. InsyaAllah may He guide me always and may He give me the best person to be my leader. Ameen.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Marriage Conference 2016

Assalamualaikum :)


Marriage Conference was held in PICC Putrajaya and I went there with the intention of gaining knowledge. 

Some new facts that I've heard (for me), every 10 minutes, there will be 1 couple that would be getting divorced. Naudzubillahimindzalik.
Many of my favorite international speakers were there! MasyaAllah im so thrilled and excited! Alhamdulillah i get the chance to heard some of their main contents.

The idea of marriage is not always "Happy" or forever "I love u", you know. There will be some miscommunication or arguments as the husband and the wife was raised from different background. The main point is that the purpose of getting married must be the same which is "Lillahita'ala" InsyaAllah.

Both must try to understand each other's role. Its not about "whose the boss" or "who pays the bill" or "who does the work more". Gender is not an issue in the first place like when people have the mind of "female must also work and be equal" or "have equal rights as men does". The first school for every child is their mother. Their role is "not only" to raise the children and stay in the kitchen. They will help the society to be a better place by educating their children with the right content. As had been explained by Islam on at certain age what must we do to raise our children and so on.

Female always have the best place actually in Islam.
"Syurga di tapak kaki ibu" and "no matter how much u've tried to repay ur mom, tak akan mampu lawan dengan setitik peluh dia masa nak lahirkan kita". Can you see how Islam love and respect women? Subhanallah.

Okay next. Before we are getting married surely we'll get engaged insyaAllah. So in that period, try to get to know ur fiance. Here are some of the advise that i still remember:
1. Get to know how s/he is as a person.
2. Who are his/her friend and how is s/he like to his mother.
3.  What is their opinion of getting married (purpose).
4. How is his/her parenting style that s/he prefer.

But do bear in mind that no one is perfect. As long as there are chemistry and youguys are willing to tolerate with each other, InsyaAllah everything's gonna be well.
Not to forget our main role. As His creations. No matter how happy or sad you are, always, Always turn to Him and rely on Him more than anyone in this world. Try to improve urself to be a better person as He have always asked us to be. On the inner and outer part InsyaAllah. 

My own opinion is that what important is when both are willing to help each other to be a better person, better ummah, better creation InsyaAllah. Tolerate and help each other and improve the communication skills are most important thing. Try to solve things as best as we can and forgive and forget InsyaAllah. The main point couples are getting divorced because of lacking of communications. Dont be rough to each other. Its just not right. Screaming and so one is just will make things worse. Both must try to be mature and understand each others situation insyaAllah.

And do remember no one and nothing is this world is perfect. Accept each other's flaws and try to help each other to be a better person InsyaAllah.

Do make du'a for each other may we find the right one for us who are willing to accept each other's flaws and willing to tolerate with each other InsyaAllah. And for those who are maybe currently having difficulties with their married life, may you have the best solution and are willing to forgive and forget each other. As well as may we be able to lower our ego and remember the purpose of getting married InsyaAllah.

Wallahu'alam. 
Definitely Allah knows best.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

Roller coaster

Bissmillahirahmannirahim..



Last week i went to the "Twins of Faith" Alhamdulillah after few years akhirnya dpt juga merasa speakers from different parts of the world memberi ceramah agama / da'wah secara live!

Bila pergi sana dengan harapan "i missed being reminded of the Akhirah and i just wanna be inspired by their speech dan mengingatkan kembali diri InsyaAllah".

MasyaAllah it is so amazing! Dapat dengar mungkin dlm 4/5 speakers tapi still Alhamdulillah. 
And my favorite would be "Life is like a roller coaster ride".I dont even know the schedule and what topics that they are going to talk about. but masyaAllah, jawapan untuk beberapa persoalan kehidupan kita.

Kesimpulan kehidupan adalah bila kita dpt satu 'kejutan ke dunia reality' eg: living for the sake of Allah. Berubah dengan harapan semuanya baik2 sahaja. Biasa la baru nak kenal dunia. Mcm2 dlm fikiran. I always have satu pemikiran dimana "I HAVE TO BE PERFECT" dalam semua hal. Dengan manusia, apatah lagi dengan Allah. How am i supposed to go to Jannah kalau tak sempurna??

And dlm kehidupan kita ada pasang surut. Mesti ada point kita rasa masyaAllah im so happy with my current situation dan tiba2 rasa "kenapa semua xjadi mcm yg kita nak ni?" "kan dah berubah tapi nak tolong yang lain susahnya", or worse case scenario where kita pun "terhanyut balik" like "hey its okay, everyone is doing it, normal la kot" and eventually kita give up?

Minda perfectionist ni lain sikit sbb high expectation. Bila kita dah screw some things up kita nak naik balik dan rasa "whatever, i had done so many negative things. Allah mesti dah menyampah dengan aku" u know, things like that?

Kembali ke Twins of Faith. One of the speaker memberikan reminder yang:


"Its okay, everyone can never be able to be sinless. u'll repent and u'll commit sin and its life. its the cycle of life. repeating the same thing. but never give up in the mercy of Allah, He is alRahman and alRahim. dont give up and  always crawl back to Him. He is aware of our situation that we will always commit sin. But He is also most merciful towards His creations"

"Just remember your purpose of this life. it is to please Him and only Him."

Dan tiba2 rasa "ini jawapan yang rasanya dah lama mencari tapi xtau apa yang dicari".
 Kita tak mungkin jadi sempurna atau nak hampir dengan Rasulullah s.a.w. Solatnya yang khusyu' kesabarannya yang tinggi apabila da'wahnya tidak diterima org sekeliling dan ahli keluarganya tidak masuk islam seperti yang dikehendakinya. Tapi Rasulullah s.a.w tak la depress sangat or easily get distracted dan give up. Mungkin sbb (pendapat saya yg kurang ilmu mengenai rasulullah) Rasulullah s.a.w memang commit himself fully untuk Allah. semua rasa pedih, pahit jerih tu Allah dah janji akn ada ganjaran yg lebih baik di akhirat kelak. 

Self check to reality. Senangnya kita sebut/cakap Lillahita'ala atau kerana Allah. tapi kita ikhlas x? atau kita betul maksudkan x? Allah kasi ujian sikit kita dan jatuh tegolek nak give up. Allah kasi kesenangan amboinya lupa diri. 

Kesimpulan yang boleh dibuat adalah, no such thing as perfect dan Allah x expect kesempurnaan dari kita. Dia tau kita mesti senang buat dosa dan kasih syg Allah jauh lagi besa dari apa yg kita bayangkan. Asalkan kita tak give up nak repent to Him. Membenarkan dengan hati, mengaku dengan lisan dan mengamalkan dengan anggota badan. Ikhlas kerana Allah, memang tak senang tapi xsalah kalau kita terus mencuba kan?

Allahu'alam.
Definitely Allah knows best.

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Real Cancer



Bissmillahirahmanirahim


"Muna, Doctor kata tynah ada 6 bulan je lagi" (June, 2012)

Those words, and suddenly it makes me feel like the world stop for a moment.

She's an amazing woman who taught me to appreciate myself more, its okay to make mistakes, who taught me the meaning of trust. 6 months was a short period of time. What have i done so far and what could i do within that 6 months to make her feel proud of me?

It  almost feels like empty, blank and dark. That's when the reality strikes.
Why do we live here if in the end we'll have to leave everything and just be alone?

That's when i start to question and search for the answer. I know but i don't do as what i should. It's like having the knowledge but i've never implement it in my life at that time.

Tynah, (Aunty Inah) amazing woman who taught me almost everything about life. She trust me more than I've trust myself. In 2011, the doctor declared that she is free form cancer. A year later, what i can say is it's His takdir.

For some, they may tend to blame Him for giving them such "bad news", but for her, its an amaizing opportunity for her to be a better person. A better Muslim. She had been diagnosed with bone cancer this time.

After hearing the news, what she have done? Never once she skip her prayer. Terminally ill but she never leave Him. Not even once. She fully depends on Him. Not even a second that she looses her faith. Pretending to be a strong person so that she wont feel "weak" in front of others. She never loose her smile and laughter.

I remember one time when me and my siblings went to her house. She hugged us tightly and say,

"Auntynah takut sangat xdapat jumpa korang"

MasyaAllah.

Day by day her cancer became worse. she can hardly walk, bow for ruku' neither sujud. But never once she skip her solat. She'll remind me:

"Muna, ingat.. jangan tinggal solat. I know you wont InsyaAllah. Do your best in everything. Don't do it for me, do it for yourself. I have faith in you."

I missed her so much.

4th September 2013.

 Allah loves her more. A week before my birthday. She'll always be the first person to wish me on the phone. Every nephews and nieces, she remember our birth date.

That is when i've started to "change". I came to a point where "what else do i want from this life? Everyone will leave this world. Then why do we live here?" and that's when "searching for the answer begins".

Alhamdulillah i had been surrounded by supportive people who wants to help be to be a better person tapi terkadang ada masanya terlupa dan terleka. When i visited her "new home" today. It reminds me of why i've decided to be a better person.

Real cancer is when we start to give up on Him.

Terkadang kita kandas dengan diri sendiri. Kita lalai sebab dah lama tak "ingatkan" hati kita dengan Dia. Itu barulah real cancer yang makan dalaman kita sehingga jadi hitam dan kotor. Kalau kita diduga seberat itu, mampu tak kita nak istiqamah? Mampu tak kita untuk tak lupakan Dia?

Cerita dikongsi untuk menjadi pengajaran utk never loose hope in Him as He is the All knowing dan juga peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Semoga dipelihara iman sentiasa InsyaAllah.


Allahumma Ameen.

Allahu'alam. Definitely Allah knows best.